MGM/ Ron Weasley

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Depression

Sometimes things in live become overwhelming and you can't put into words whats going on or how it makes you feel which ends up making you feel even more overwhelmed. What are you supposed to do? Who do you talk to? Sometimes the person you would normally talk to, you can't. Sometimes the person you need to talk to, you can't.

I think that is a huge part of why i get depressed, even though I am on an antidepressant. Not because my life sucks or because bad things are happening to me but because I can't always express how I feel about something or explain what is bothering me.

I was seeing someone before we moved but that ended up being more about me dealing with my transplant and how i was doing. But that was never a problem for my depression. And the things I wanted to talk about even to this day I am still not really all that comfortable talking about. But I feel that if I don't talk about it then it will never get better. How do you force yourself to talk about something that makes you uncomfortable?

Stuff like this has been running through my head lately. I have a therapy appointment Sept 13th, I hope that i won't completely fall apart before then and that I will have the strength to talk about what is really tearing me up.

Meeting My Donor's Family

When it comes to writing this blog I wish I had my laptop with me on my trip last week to meet my donor family. I had so much to say and to share but now I have lost so much of what I wanted to say (details).

They are an amazing family! 

Sherry Jr- my donor

Sherry Sr- mom

George- dad

Cory- brother

Zach- brother

I am so lucky to have gotten their family members heart. Upon first meeting it was almost like we had known each other for years. There were no tears, just lots of great conversation. The first night my mom and I went to dinner at their house. We showed up just after 6pm (damn traffic!) and didnt leave until 1am. We had completely lost track of time. 

Thursday was my appointment and Sherry (the mom) came with and met my nurses and doctor. It was so awesome being able to share this moment with people who were physically there watching how bad it was before my surgery.

Friday, my mom and I went to DC for the day. It was my first time being able to go because before I never had enough energy or stamina to make it through all walking and stuff. That night we ended up joining the Gracie's for Zach's last first football scrimmage. There ended up being lightening so the scrimmage got canceled about half way through. They have to wait 30 minutes after the last strike of lightening but the lightening wasn't going to stop. After that we went to dinner and then back to their house. They offered to let my mom and me use their computer & printer to check in for our flights the next day.

My mom and I had a wonderful time and I am sad that it all went so fast. I am however glad to be home and get back to my normal days of spending time with my pup and doing things around the house. The husband should be home soon and hopefully it will be a nice peaceful afternoon to my busy morning. 

Zach, Sherry, Cory

Kim (my mom), Me, George

Sherry, Dr Russell, Me

My donor's family is big into vlogging. Here are their vlogs from the days I was there.

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

The last few days have been pretty quiet and simple.
Sunday, Dan and I did a double session at the gym since we didn't go on Saturday. We did some of the weight machines and then some cardio. I had to be careful with some of the weights and actually had to skip a few because of my sternum and muscles in my upper chest.
Yesterday (Monday) I ran a couple errands with the pup. We went to Home Depot to get light bulbs to replace the ones that had gone out on Sunday. After that we went over to PetsMart to get Chip food so I wont have to worry about it when I get home from Baltimore.


Speaking of Baltimore, I leave tomorrow. I am so overwhelmed. I leave early tomorrow morning and will meet my mom in Charlotte, NC. We will then fly together to Baltimore, go to the hotel and clean up and then head to my donor family's house for dinner. I am so excited and nervous. Right now I am waiting for the laundry to finish drying so I can finish packing though I am pretty much done. Can it be tomorrow yet??

Lazy Day, but what a day it has been!

There is a song by Bruno Mars called "The Lazy Song". It totally fits my mood most days though I don't live up to it every day all day. However today it pretty much fit my day, at least this part of it.

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

I'm gonna kick my feet up
Then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gonna tell me I can't

I'll be lounging on the couch,
Just chillin' in my snuggie
Click to MTV, so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man
Oh, oh

Yes I said it
I said it
I said it 'cause I can

Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all

My day pretty much has consisted of laying in bed and reading a little, and sitting on the couch playing on my computer and watching tv. I wanted to go out and do something but nothing seemed to be callin' my name. So instead I decided i would make dinner on the early/normal side for us so we could go to the gym and I would not have a full belly since Dan likes to go in the evening after dinner. Sadly, and unknowing to me, the gym closes at 6 on the weekends. TOTAL BUMMER! I can't believed I am bummed about this but I am. We went last night which made 4 days in a row and I felt motivated to continue my "streak". I still feel motivated to go and I hope that lasts, even though I will be out of town this week and I am sure if the hotel has a gym and where it is if they do.
Speaking of going out of town. I am going to Baltimore for my 18 month post op. My appointment is Thursday and I am pretty excited because I am doing so well. I am ready to start lowering dosages of my meds some more. This appointment is going to be more exciting then others though. When I fly to Baltimore this week I am not just flying in for my appointment. I am flying in to meet my heart donors family. My mom will also be going with me to meet them and to help me get through it all. We are both so excited. I have been talking to my donors mom off and on this summer on facebook and I know they are excited to meet my mom and me. We will be having dinner together at their house on wednesday night. Then on Thursday my donors mom will be joining my mom and me for my appointment. 
My excitement is through the roof, but I am also very nervous! Pray for us all as its going to be crazy emotional!